Annotated IELTS Essay

Recently, I’ve given my readers a few guides to writing a good IELTS Writing Task 2 essay. It want to make sure that all the people using this website are able to boost their IELTS Writing band score, so I’m going to continue giving free tips and advice, as well as example essays.

Today, I’m going to give you a sample band 9 essay for the following question:

Some people say that excessive noise should be a criminal offence, while others say they should be free to make noise without limitation.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

For me, this is a really fascinating question, and one that’s actually quite difficult to answer. However, by following the advice I gave you in my previous posts – particularly this one – I have put together a structurally sound essay. First, here’s the structure:

Structure

Introduction 

Sentence 1- Paraphrase Question and/or state both view points.

Sentence 2- Thesis Statement

Sentence 3- Outline Sentence

Main Body Paragraph 1

Sentence 1- State first viewpoint

Sentence 2- Discuss first viewpoint

Sentence 3- Reason why you agree or disagree with viewpoint

Sentence 4- Example to support your view

Main Body Paragraph 2

Sentence 1- State second viewpoint

Sentence 2- Discuss second viewpoint

Sentence 3-Reason why you agree or disagree with viewpoint

Sentence 4-Example to support your view

Conclusion 

Sentence 1- Summary

Sentence 2- State which one is better or more important

Band 9 Sample Essay

Everybody has the right to a little bit of peace and quiet, but does that mean we should impose silence upon others? This essay will argue that it is only reasonable to criminalize noisiness, as it is a form of anti-social behavior that should not be tolerated. The following paragraphs will explore two of the foremost arguments relating to this contentious issue.

One argument that is often raised during a discussion of this issue is that we should all be free to express ourselves, and that includes being loud. Some people argue that we all have a right to pursue our own happiness with the boundaries of reason, and so we should be allowed to make noise without worrying about legal consequences. However, it is clear that to maintain a harmonious society, people need to act in consideration of others, and should therefore impose laws to ensure this happens. Japan is one of the most peaceful and pleasant countries on earth, and people there would never consider talking loudly on the phone or listening to TV shows without headphones while riding public transport.

The counterpoint to the right of free expression is the right to freedom from unnecessary disturbance. Excessive noise is irritating, and people should not have to worry about it while at home, at work, or in public. It seems clear that people should be able to live their lives without being subjected to unreasonable levels of noise, and that therefore there should be a legal assurance for this. For example, people with noisy neighbors should be allowed to prosecute those neighbors for disturbing the peace.

In conclusion, people disagree over whether we should strive to ensure the freedom to express ourselves wherever and whenever we want, and the right to a certain level of calm in our lives. However, it is reasonable to suggest that there should be laws in place to ensure our right to a quiet and peaceful life, and  to deter others from engaging in anti-social behavior.

The Annotated Version

Is the essay above helpful for you? Maybe a little. If you want to see how I’ve adhered to the structure I suggested for you in yesterday’s PPT, then you’ll need to see the annotated version. You can download it as a Word document here, or I’ll post a screenshot below:

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Author: David S. Wills

David S. Wills is the author of Scientologist! William S. Burroughs and the ‘Weird Cult’ and the founder/editor of Beatdom literary journal. He lives and works in rural China, and loves to travel.

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